Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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