Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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