I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
