He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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