at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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