Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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