Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
