Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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