Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltš
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
And, by āmake you dinnerā I mean āhave lots of sex and multiple orgasms.ā So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
