Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
