youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
