Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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