sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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