If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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