i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
