Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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