My underwear smells like fireworks.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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