Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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