either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
