I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
