I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
