last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
