I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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