doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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