so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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