the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
