No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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