Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
