This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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