I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
