I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
