I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
