my vag is so smooth its legendary
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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