worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
