Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just sucked dick on a ferry
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
