walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
