i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
