I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
