How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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