mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
