she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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