And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
