i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
