But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
