That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
