Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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