I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
