OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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