What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
