That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
