What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
