i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Alive.
So much puke
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
