I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
