If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
