He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
