I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Randomize
