Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
