I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
