I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
